| Hey everyone, i just wanted to let you know whats going on in my life, and let you know why i will not be moving back to illinois. My life the last few weeks has been an emotional roller coaster, and thats not something thats easy for me to admit. As some of you know i planned on moving back to illinois this week, the plan was to go back to bethalto and go to school at Lewis and Clark Community College, now some of you would ask why would someone move 2000mi to a place that has humidity and snow to go to a community college, and here's my answer $8000 in grants to Blackburn (an expensive privet college) if i kept a good GPA. So i had everything set up i had taken the exams for the grants and for lccc and passed well, i had my classes picked out and was ready to go, and even got my acceptance letter from blackburn... Except for one thing i didn't really want to leave all my friends, but this looked like it was the best road for me to take, it was going to be the smartest thing for me to do in my life, so i was going to do it! The day before my dad was going to leave il to come get me and my car i called lccc to let them know i was going to be at class on monday, and they told me i had been out of the state for a year, and that they could not accept me as a student at the community college. So i immediately called the company giving the grant, and they said that if that was the case the grant was no longer available. Oh yeah this is just the last 3 days. My family was in town last week, it was one of the longest most difficult weeks i have had in a long time... I will explain, but before i do let me say my dad is an awesome person and i know he is doing what he thinks is best, but sometimes he does not take the best roads to get there and it can be very hurtful. I'm going to leave the details of the past out but basically he sat down with me (and my brother) because he had heard some rumors that for the most part were not true, and decided that i needed an intervention. Well my dad would not listen when we tried to explain to him that they were just rumors. From there things blew up and even though i didn't say much, others did and there was allot expressed. I thought for just a minute a tear might come down his cheek but i was wrong, and even though we left that time with allot being put out there, the hurt from everything that had been put away all these years just came back to the top and nothing was fixed. I dreaded having to see him that night and then next morning let alone a 24hour car ride with him less then a week later. My job was suppose to last until friday the 17th, i showed up at work on monday the 13th to find out that they had gone ahead and put threw my paper work because "i had finished all i needed to and trained BOTH the people to take my spot." I was told from the time i started there that it was a great company to work for until you told them you were quitting and that was very true, the last 2 weeks i was there, were the worst weeks i have ever worked. And besides all of this, even though i knew it would happen sooner or later i was told i needed to get another place to live soon, theres no deadline as of now but soon. So i am jobless, with a dysfunctional overly religious condemning family, a car that sounds like its going to blow up the next time i turn it on (that doesn’t have ac), and have no clue what to do about my education! Now that i have ranted an made you all think that i'm some emo kid who just looks at the bad in everything, i want to also let you know that there are some good things happening too, i have been given a real opportunity to work with some of the youth from my church, this group is great and i hope i can help them grow and teach them allot and be not only a leader but a friend, and i hope i can grow with them and i can learn even more. Even though right now i feel extremely lost, and i feel like i have no clue what to do, i know God has a perfect plan for me, i have always tried to do things by myself and never had to ask for help because i always had a plan and if that didn't work i would have another back plan to make it work, well now i'm out of plans and nothing has worked out the way it should or even the way it make sense too, so for the first time in a really long time i have nothing to hide myself behind. For those of you still reading this thank you and if you have any advice (about anything) or know of a job in the phoenix metro area let me know. Ben p.s. i got a new phone so if you can give me your info i will get it all updated. (it is the same number as before just a different phone) Oh yeah special thanks to justin, tessa, amy, chris, brittney, diana, kylee, kelsey, lentta, john paul, rebecca, sharron, ashley, cassie, and to anyone else i'm forgetting. You guys are awesome and i would probably be even more crazy today if it wasn't for each of you. |
